Stuffs

Alright, so I'm feeling good now. I'm not sick, I'm not depressed... in fact, I've been feeling rather chipper of late. Why the mood swings? Probably for the reasons I mentioned in an earlier post, as well as too high an intake of caffeine and garbage food. I dislike the insecurity my own body has been giving me.

Speaking of my body, this weekend it has been demanded to perform in another swim meet; my second since I joined the swim team. I'm nervous. My body tells me it's feeling good about it and it assures me that the adrenaline of the competition provides it with quite a powerful speed-boost. My mind is not so sure, however, and it's been arguing a lot with my body.

I hope the latter wins.

sick sick sick

It's the grossest state of being. I don't want to throw up.

Good news...

...I can finally watch films again! Apparently, my first in weeks shall be Atonement with a friend. It will be nice.

There are also these nice things I have to look forward to:

> Braces removed March 1st
> The Wolfman released Feb 12
> A cousin expected the first week of March
> A swim meet next weekend
> A quiz meet a weekend or so after that
> A drivers license next week

...hell yes. I am happy.

Today, I am Pontius Pilate

"What is truth?"

I feel like the undead.

Usually, depression reeks of either no motivation to become happy, a poor chemical balance in the brain [mostly caused by not eating right, a lack of exercise or not enough sleep], or, of course, actually having a reason to be depressed. I'm not sure which to blame for my current state of mind, but right now all I feel like doing is sitting beneath my ceiling with screamo music in my ears using up as much oxygen as possible because that's the only function I feel capable of performing right now. I hate that I realize it's nothing. I almost wish I was blissfully ignorant of all things in relation to moods and teenagers and thought I was some sort of naturally cool emo kid incapable of being happy, who should squeeze herself into skinny jeans and dye her hair to express herself. But no. I realize that it'll pass, and next week I will be the upbeat, smart sixteen-year-old in the ponytail who survived a pointless mood-swing. Until then, however, I must endure being the angry, listless minor with a chemical imbalance.

Some Goals

I realize how cliché it is to makes New Year's resolutions, so instead I will simply list the things I am excited for which 2010 has promised to provide:

> The right to wield a vehicle
> My first summer job
> A wedding that I actually want to attend in May
> Doing well at swim meets
> Doing well at quiz meets
> Getting a lot of reading done
> Watching less films
> Finishing Grade 11/12 math for good
> Finding a kick-ass hairstyle at last
> Seeing a rock show
> Learning new words
> The Wolf Man in February
> Being 17 in August
> Making my own dress
> Attending an opera
> Backstage for Love According to John again
> Being able to afford a Zune
> Finding El Roi
> Getting into the bronze level in my swimming courses [required for a future lifeguarding job]
> The purchase of a fish and a frog
> Learning to write with my left hand
> Dying my hair
> Alice in Wonderland in April
> Not getting cancer

MMX

And so this is the new year. I'm going to fill it to the brim.