It is apparent that I have neglected this blog quite enough. An update is very due.

Lately I have been working hard to complete my math, science and language arts homework. I am home-schooled and a terrible procrastinator, which don't usually go hand-in-hand. This leaves me with mounds and mounds of work, sitting on my cluttered desk, waiting to be done.

In fact, this blog post is clear proof of my dilemma. Here I am, at the computer, while the pile still sits, waiting, on my desk in the basement.

However, apart from schoolwork, life has been really nice. I have volunteer work at Camp Nakamun to look forward to this summer as well as some swimming courses to take [for future lifeguarding job] and social activities with friends and family.

I also have plans to make summer dresses and a new bag.

A wedding and a discovery.

As much as I have always tried not to, I have found that I fall shamelessly into the 'girly' category when it comes to weddings. Not just any wedding, of course. The weddings I get dragged to involving a cousin I have never met before binding herself to some chump in the trucker business doesn't excite my inner girlishness nor my squeals of delight. In fact, I had always hated weddings until a recent decision was made by a most dear friend of mine with the most dear boy of hers to tie the knot. The match is perfect, the plans are fun and I am invited. It's all most exciting.

The wedding will take place in 2 weeks, and I find myself as eager as ever for it. Watching my friend plan and buy and talk about her wedding has been so nice to see and hear. I feel so happy for the dear girl! As for me, I play the part of 'bridesmaid'; although they aren't being formal about it so I thankfully don't have to wear an awful matching bridesmaid dress which I will one day look back on and shudder. Despite Lizzy's good taste, the art of choosing bridesmaid dresses will never be perfected. I am making my own.

Recovery

It's a bitch.

Sitting around moaning with an ice-pack strapped to my head has not been fun. However, the ice cream, sorbet and films I indulged in made it a little less unbearable. But only a little.

Having four stitched-up cuts in the back of my mouth has been one of the strangest things I've ever experienced. It doesn't hurt like I had expected; it's more of an annoyance. I can hardly chew.

Being the 5th day, I have 2 green bruises smearing both sides of my bottom jaw, and my incisions are a little stingy. I've been unproductive and slothful, but today I'm going to try and do something useful. Maybe I'll clean the bathroom...

Teeth

Next week, I will be going under the knife for the first time ever. I had always hoped that if, in fact, I ever needed surgery, it would be because I obtained a badass injury doing something unbelievably awesome or death defying. But why am I being put to sleep so someone can dig around inside me with a scalpel? My wisdom teeth are not wanted inside my head anymore, apparently. They're being prosecuted for being so wise, I think. It's a conspiracy of some kind.

At any rate, I will be gassed and cranked open at 8 in the morning and then the lovely, soft, dark-pink tissue of my little blabby mouth with be sliced open and my dear, wise, white little friends will be ripped from their 'menacing' places and replaced with stitches and soreness. It's not the surgery itself that I'm worried about: I'm sure the guy tearing my teeth from their place is concerned enough about his own job that he won't do anything too terrible or wrong to me, and that he knows well enough what he's doing. I'm more concerned about the AFTER.

I don't want to waste another week. My spring break was entirely used up by Love According to John and generic Easter brunches and suppers, the week after that was stolen by an untimely bout of H1N1 and now I have a precious few days left before Monday shows up and gives me another forceful reason to sit in bed watching movies day after day.

I just have far too much to do to allow the time.

I have a dress to make, textbooks to complete, friends to attend to, a wedding to giggle about, Dostoyevsky to read, a body to keep swimmer-fit, movies to see at the theater and house cleaning for extra cash.

Apparently my mother will keep me heavily medicated and my head will feel like an inflated balloon. Who knows. It may even prove to be fun.

Spring Break

Last week I was backstage for Love According to John. Tara & I were in charge of Stage Right Props. The entire week was a complete blur. Even now I don't remember clearly all the events which took place. However, I do recall being chatted up quite a bit, eating close to nothing, carting around boxes, glue-gunning, painting, exchanging witticisms with [some] handsome boys, taking pictures, handing people things, moving things around and hanging out with the cool members of the cast and crew. It was terrific fun, but even now I'm having trouble getting back into routine. I wish it wasn't over!

However, I have a great many things to attend to here in harsh, cold reality, so there's no use complaining. I have a dress to make.

Atlas

I chose the above name for my fish. It works.

A Roommate

At last I share my room with another living organism -although one with a much smaller soul than mine. A fish, a Siamese Fighter, with a red body, blue tail and black eyes. He's a Delta, which means simply that his tail and fins fan out behind him and look uncannily like silk fabric. He is small and hardy and is swimming contentedly in my round, glass, 8 liter fish bowl. He's magnificent. He deserves a good name. I traded 15 dollars for him.

My thoughts in March.

Weddings. Communism. Expensive tea. One-world governments. Colored fabrics. Good weather. Orange juice. Dress patterns. Driving. Quentin Tarentino. Poetry. No more money. Numbers. Pen ink. Flowers. Allergies. House cleaning. The dictionary. Submarine sandwiches. Dry ice. Luciano Pavarotti. The Rwanda genocide. Nihilism. Bertrand Russell. Self-awareness. Sexism. Fairy tales. Paradoxes.

Some Kind of Wonderful

Why is it that everything has seemed to happen since I've been 16? Last year and the first 3 months of this one haven't been 'sweet' at all. I feel like part of a John Hughes film, only I'm not Ferris Bueller. Nothing ever goes right for me.

Swallowed

I feel like a giant tongue monster has caught me, tossed me behind his teeth and is incessantly swishing me around in his mouth. My life is a tangle of useless emotions and nihilism. Oh, and let's not forget school. That's probably the highlight.

2:22 PM

I can never think of anything to say. But here I am! I'm still alive.

The Wolfman

My eagerness to see this film dates back all the way to spring of 2008. I discovered the rumor of it through imdb.com, and was thrilled; being such a monster-movie fan.

So it was strange to finally see the film, since I had almost begun to think I would never see it. The original plan was to go with Tara, but when she was unable to come and my hopes seemed dashed, my mother played the hero. She took me herself.

We made it to the first matinee of it's release, and by then I was numb with excitement. You may think me strange or almost immature to be so eager for such a petty thing in the 'big picture', but I'm beginning to think I was made to enjoy, critique, show people, talk about and just adore movies. Anyway, when the lights dimmed, and the opening scene showed a man in the woods, hollering at 'someone' to show themselves, I knew it was going to be every monster movie ever. When the wolfman finally jumped at the man, tearing his face off, my mother squealed and pulled her coat over her head. I smiled and leaned back.

The film had a dark, gritty, Old England feel, which was perfect for what it was trying to portray. The plot wasn't amazing, but it followed the typical lines originally formed by The Wolfman of 1941, which gave it an excuse. Benicio Del Toro as the wolfman himself was perfect. The gore was intense and the effects and cinematography were good as well.

Overall, I'd give it a 4/10 critically, and a 8/10 for fulfilling expectations. I'm glad I saw it. Now to wait for Alice in Wonderland!

This is me, today, after swimming...

I am so physically and emotionally wiped that I just discussed something with my mother that she thought was an important issue and I don't even remember talking or what it was about. All I care about now is my welcoming bed, and whether I won the argument.

Sherlock Holmes

At first, I was doubtful that Robert Downey Jr could pull off the ownership of such a title, but upon seeing the film this afternoon, I found I had cruelly misjudged his acting skills. He was, in fact, the Sherlock Holmes I had adored reading about as a small child. The Holmes who was outright and witty, intelligent and strange and always extremely likable: not to mention, always right. In the film, Downey Jr covered all those bases, with only slight differences from the original character.

As for the film in it's entirety, Guy Ritchie did a fantastic job: the cinematography was gritty and classic old England [with even a slight cyber-punk feel if you minus the technology bit], a love interest who actually avoided being annoying throughout the film [which is very rare], enjoyable and witty humor [in Downey Jr taste, of course] and action sequences which did not stray beyond what an audience could believe Holmes and Watson capable of. Oh, and about Watson: Jude Law was perfect for the part. The character development in the film had a lot to do with Watson's attempting to 'step down' from his position as Holmes' partner, which added the necessary 'humanness' to the film.

I enjoyed it thoroughly. You should go see it.

The Test

I passed with flying colors.

After today, I might be driving.

Despite being ridiculously frustrated over absolutely everything lately, I'm doing good.

I'm taking the Class 7 knowledge test this afternoon. The last time I took it was in August last year. I've been studying a lot since then, so I think I'll pass. I'll probably throw up on the insurance receptionist if I don't, or if not her at least my mother. You can hold me to that.

I just have to pass. For one thing, it will mean I can focus on other things instead of constantly studying for the damn test, and I'll finally be able to drive. It will be nice. Also, I'm old enough to get my Class 5. This stalling is getting ridiculous.

It's true.

Today I feel that much closer to an anger management course. I could kick a baby.

Weekend Report

So I lived through another swim meet, with few incidents to speak of. The worst thing that happened was a simple disqualification from the most painful race I did [100m Breaststroke] after I didn't touch the wall properly on a turn. That was annoying, but not entirely unexpected. Apart from that, though, I made good time in my races and it was as fun as it always is when you have to wake up at 5am two days in a row. But I like swimming, and I like racing and apart from being dead tired right now, I feel like everything is alright in the world.


...apart from that Haiti catastrophe, of course.

It Was The Fear Of Myself That Made Me Odd

Spinning, arms spread,
Crushing the tops of mountains
With my hands.
As I dive into the Pacific
I flood the shorelines.

And I exhale-
Causing the oceans' endless waves
As I emerge-
Shaking the wreckage from my hair
With my hands.

As this rainforest
Falls beneath my knees,
I want to breathe
Life into the Dead Sea.

Below, where is your boat?
You are slow, you are slow.
I will play until the sky is black-
Breathe in all the air-
Exhale and choke the land with carbon...

...burn it all.
Looking down
From where I stand,
I can see the curvature of the Earth.
I want to make it flat.

-George Pettit, Alexisonfire

Stuffs

Alright, so I'm feeling good now. I'm not sick, I'm not depressed... in fact, I've been feeling rather chipper of late. Why the mood swings? Probably for the reasons I mentioned in an earlier post, as well as too high an intake of caffeine and garbage food. I dislike the insecurity my own body has been giving me.

Speaking of my body, this weekend it has been demanded to perform in another swim meet; my second since I joined the swim team. I'm nervous. My body tells me it's feeling good about it and it assures me that the adrenaline of the competition provides it with quite a powerful speed-boost. My mind is not so sure, however, and it's been arguing a lot with my body.

I hope the latter wins.

sick sick sick

It's the grossest state of being. I don't want to throw up.

Good news...

...I can finally watch films again! Apparently, my first in weeks shall be Atonement with a friend. It will be nice.

There are also these nice things I have to look forward to:

> Braces removed March 1st
> The Wolfman released Feb 12
> A cousin expected the first week of March
> A swim meet next weekend
> A quiz meet a weekend or so after that
> A drivers license next week

...hell yes. I am happy.

Today, I am Pontius Pilate

"What is truth?"

I feel like the undead.

Usually, depression reeks of either no motivation to become happy, a poor chemical balance in the brain [mostly caused by not eating right, a lack of exercise or not enough sleep], or, of course, actually having a reason to be depressed. I'm not sure which to blame for my current state of mind, but right now all I feel like doing is sitting beneath my ceiling with screamo music in my ears using up as much oxygen as possible because that's the only function I feel capable of performing right now. I hate that I realize it's nothing. I almost wish I was blissfully ignorant of all things in relation to moods and teenagers and thought I was some sort of naturally cool emo kid incapable of being happy, who should squeeze herself into skinny jeans and dye her hair to express herself. But no. I realize that it'll pass, and next week I will be the upbeat, smart sixteen-year-old in the ponytail who survived a pointless mood-swing. Until then, however, I must endure being the angry, listless minor with a chemical imbalance.

Some Goals

I realize how cliché it is to makes New Year's resolutions, so instead I will simply list the things I am excited for which 2010 has promised to provide:

> The right to wield a vehicle
> My first summer job
> A wedding that I actually want to attend in May
> Doing well at swim meets
> Doing well at quiz meets
> Getting a lot of reading done
> Watching less films
> Finishing Grade 11/12 math for good
> Finding a kick-ass hairstyle at last
> Seeing a rock show
> Learning new words
> The Wolf Man in February
> Being 17 in August
> Making my own dress
> Attending an opera
> Backstage for Love According to John again
> Being able to afford a Zune
> Finding El Roi
> Getting into the bronze level in my swimming courses [required for a future lifeguarding job]
> The purchase of a fish and a frog
> Learning to write with my left hand
> Dying my hair
> Alice in Wonderland in April
> Not getting cancer

MMX

And so this is the new year. I'm going to fill it to the brim.